Dont feed cows strawberry milk, or they'll turn purple!

been sitting watching the life past from the sidelines.

dontfeedcows — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 12:37:21 +0000

one foot through the door, the other still outside. time to haul all of me through.

dontfeedcows — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 02:45:07 +0000

Im not sure what im afraid of. Just some days i wake up and i dont feel that great. Uncertainty perhaps. The feeling that im not in control. Or im just scared somehow, that things wont go my way. or im not sure how to make the most of what happens. or im just not enjoying what im doing.

positive buddy think positive.

Here and now while youre stalking this.

dontfeedcows — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 10:59:36 +0000

In the recent weeks when i discovered my blog is googleable ive actually been feeling a tad bit paranoid about blogging. Esp when this blog was intended for friends and fam far away, not people i meet every now and then. Now im thinking what the heck, stalk this if you have to. Not that anyone would.

So, its raya holidays, and im in my third sem of college. And instead of following the trend of everybody else getting stressed and freaking out in third sem because oh my goodness what have i been doing with my first two sems?!?! ive actually been chilling a bit more now. ill stress next sem. thank you. and how has it been paying off? good actually. i find my self more prductive playing more as i can focus better when i get back to my studies. needless to say, (ive got only one paper back for first topic test) im gonna ace all my tests. and thats me being realistic because i know what im capable of.

i probably have minimum 10 hours off study time due to church and fellowship activities every week, so it makes me wonder………….you know. haha. im blessed. i get what i ask for, seriously, not spoilt kid type, just God answers because God is good thats all im gonna say. try it.

so ive been getting a tad bit lazier. which is bad, but hey! at least im happier. and im learning to learn again. cheers.

im in the process 0f securing a digicam so ull be seeing more of what i see soon. i believe.

anyway, recently theres been a protest agaisnt muslim politicians selling their faith for the muslim vote and the protesters were holding something about stopping christian teachers from teaching in school…and im like what the heck? im politically conservative frankly speaking. im not gona talk about religion and whats right and wrong

i just wana say that………..

MY MUSLIM FRIENDS WOULD NEVER DO THAT!

where do these people come from? oh well, my muslim friends are awesome. thats why, when i look at this kinda news, i dosent upset me. i know out there, theres a good plenty of people who respect my religion just as i respect theirs. not to mention there were only 20 people at the protest. lol.

anyway, its on malaysiakini, get the story there, i read it a day ago so i cant really remember the details.

well, thats all from me. ah, and thanks to my inspiring bro ill be putting more time into work out…trying to…(emphasize trying) bulk up. a bit. im not that good looking so ive gota try other ways to make people notice. as if im not tall enough.

Cheers. Tad. Bit. Mad.

open up.

dontfeedcows — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 09:07:09 +0000

sometimes wounds need to be opened up again. especially wounds that didnt heal properly. it helps, to relive the emotions, reflect and ask what happened, why, and where was God in the midst of it. More often than not we let these events past. and deep down inside we question God. where were You?

but looking back and seeing that God was there, and He allowed the event, for some reason or the other, can heal more than anything can.

im work in progress, and I probably always will be.

we’ve been written by the noises of our childhood

dontfeedcows — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 14:21:50 +0000

So im sitting on the floor of my hostel after three hours of figuring out this report related to bio. anyway, so my heads super heavy.

and i figured if theres any place i WOUND NOT want to retire in, or a place that i would not want to raise my kids in, its Shah Alam.

The only good thing is, New Life, my church, and friends.

On the bright side, ive actually made it this far, and semester by semester, im becoming a better person (at least i think so).

I want to feel like i have nothing to lose, because somehow i feel over the last 3 years ive been focusing on not losing stuff, and the more i gained the more i became fearful of losing. and then theres trust, which is something im trying to resolve/learn/strengthen. i sometimes find myself planning what-if-i-lose-my-scholarship. and the plan seems more feasible/enjoyable/logical/livable than whatever-the-heck im doing now.

but wait a minute, wheres God in that picture. Nowhere.

Which is why i avoid thinking about it. If God gave me my upbringing/scholarship then surely He wont just leave me hanging halfway. No way. So in that sense, theres nothing to lose, because you cant lose something thats part of God’s plan for you.

We tend to plan things mentally, subconsciously without God in the picture. not a good habit.

And ive been trying to resolve things in the past, which i have been in denial of/ignored/unaware of/had more important things to do than deal with my issues. and ive found that Forgiveness is very healing.

And ive brought back to memory things which i hadnt resolved, and tried to make sense of/forgive/resolve the crappy events in the past which somehow subconsciously still affect me today, so it wont bug me so much.

and im learning to make time for people, and put God first. of which the definition has become clearer since i made that decision a bit over a year ago. putting God first is not neccesarily serving a lot in church, its just the focus of your heart and life. and its challenging for me, since i spent most of my teenage years and childhood years putting other things first. esp studies. which i now regret. i wish i had chosen not to study so much, and develop an interest in something which could be a future carrier. something i have a definite interest in. im not saying what im doing now isnt. its just, ya know…different. i guess a lot of the challenges i now face is because of God not being first in my life in the past, and only making that decision at 18, quite late, and youre torn between who you were and who you wanna be. nonetheless, im winning the battle and im making my way there, step by step.

and ive started skateboarding again, my long lost love…

i guess the scholarship wasnt worth what i missed out on. and im still recovering from the poor choices ive made. and learning that life is more than this. and that i have purpose beyond what ive known.

theres more to say. but im gonna sleep. nites ya’ll. God bless you. Jesus loves u all!

God rejoices over your existence. Thats what my youth pastor said today. really amazing yeah? makes me all the more grateful towards the life ive been given.

Oh me gosh!

dontfeedcows — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 10:52:27 +0000

I googled my name…and found my blog…so much for hoping its not google-able..oh well, hope u guys enjoyed reading

I Finally Figured out The Password for My Blog. applause smackonforehead signsautograph

dontfeedcows — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:51:16 +0000

Well..its been a while…yes, if you bothered to read the title..apparently..i forgot my password..and i forgot my pasword for my 2nd email account too…which makes me a very forgetful person.

Well, my holidays are closing soon. ive got about 11 days before end…so how did it go up tothis point?

I spent a lot of time on this thing called an issue report. Its apparently an exposure to what its like to be a ph.D student. The whole thing is, we have to many ppl with PhDs so ppl with PhDs feel less special. Hence the desire to discourage others from following suit. I dont blame them, if you were part of an exclusive club, the less members the better. And how was it? thanks to my perfectionist self, not good. spend countless hours working on it. and i finished at 1 am last sunday. finally. i was glad..and i shudve went straight to bed..but i ended up staying awake till 140…then went to bed..and got an idea for a song..went to write it down..went to bed at 2am…then couldnt fall asleep. at 340am…went to parents room…somehow sleeping there…in the same room with ppl who you know loves you puts ur mind to rest…even when youre super excited that youre one small step closer to a PhD.

And sunday, surprisingly..i wasnt a bit sleepy at all…hmm..wierd….and i watched the green hornet with my friends…which wasnt bad at all…i think the only uncool thing is ryan reynolds apparently has difficulty doing emotional scenes…hes just not…emo enough? not sure..a lot of the scenes that were meant to create an emotional connection just flopped. sry mr reynolds…better luck next time.after that…total zombie..just really tired..

This morning, i woke up and went skateboarding…with my pals salam and an old primary school fren (havent seen in years), and had a ripping time….tho i was still recovering from being a zombie the day before..

“And now, im figuring out wat to do next…and while the sun continues to shine and planets spin in their orbits…

I SHALL CONTEMPLATE MY FATE!”

(wat an epic ending to my blog post)

Cant help myself

dontfeedcows — Tue, 17 May 2011 10:17:33 +0000

I have a hbit of studying..its something ingrained into me..i cant go long without studying without feeling like im not making the most of my time..or something.
on a second thought its not a guilt thing. its just, i feel the urge to accomplish something and studying gives me that sense of accomplishment. so i found myself today, just three days after my finals ended, studying statistics in advance for next semester. im a bit surprised i was able to wait three days, i mean one day, no problem..three..thats rare..

I remember steeping off the plane and my roommate (who hails from kuching too, and happens to be my classmate, and future coursemate for the next 6 years..gosh..)

He turns to me and says so what are you going to do this holidays?

Guitar, skateboarding..and a bit of studying..

pause

He turns to me and says, dont study.

Fat chance..

Anyway, im not studying all the time..i think an hour or two a day will keep me happy.

The rest of the time, hmm..guitar, skateboarding…drums…internet..facebook.

im…

dontfeedcows — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 13:11:54 +0000

tired…i hate it when ppl complain..

but im gona do a bit if complaining myself….i have a dislike for exam periods…its quite stressful…andyet its neccessary…

and i try and study…but i cant…i end up thinking bout other stuff……worrying uneccessarily…

then u ask me wheres God?

Im just dealing with my issues, and i know God’s with me. why i my life not perfect? cuz its not..can it be better? yes, thats on the way.

so have the joy of knowing im trying.

thank you.

*applause*

A New Lease Of Life

dontfeedcows — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 07:17:33 +0000

The moment we stop progressing, thats the moment we become idle, unchanging, and life gets less interesting. We were meant to change, human as we are and this is what helps us progress. It makes us better people, and helps us achieve all God wants us to do.

I’m surprised, for once, my intro lacks sarcasm…

So yeah, im on yet another journey of change. This is the first time in 8 months when i decided i needed some changing in life. Before that, the last time i changed was…hmm…puberty?!?!

Ive been observing myself (weird as it sounds) for the past year or more. Just observing how i respond to situations, people, my emotions, thoughts, feelings…a lot! Im such a thinker!!! I dont know why..to be honest it sucks most days… some days i wish i cud ust care less n live myfreaking life. But this is who i am…maybe who God wanted me to be..maybe a victim of various circumstances.

Well, this holiday, a lot happened, i got dengue, i had flu fora week, had sore throat…had conjuctivitis…

So my life is tough u say? NAAAHH!!!! in fact, if i blogged about all the awesome stuff happening, you would start wondering why your life sucked! HAHAHAHAHA…

Sorry, i cant do an entirely serious blog post…that was just for laughs..ok, back to being philosophical.

So, yes this holiday…i dont know, it was wierd but i started seeing things differently, i started trying to make sense of my parents advice, started being embarrased at myself, stopped blaming people for whats not right in my life, started to take responsibility for my actions, stopped shutting myself off everytime i got offended.

Most importantly, i decided there was much that needed change in me. I saw, as if in a moment of clarity, that life was more than these petty emotions, minuscule problems magnified to the size of santa’s belly. Life was more than that. I suddenly felt the need to dream big and live life to the max.

For starts, i started working faster, with house chores. Back in the day, i used to spend time wondering why i had to do it, then ponder how much it would take to complete it n how much that would steal out of the time for other stuff. Yeah, its pretty lame i know….but ive always been a bit pestimistic. o yeah! now my chores are done in double the speed of back then.

Besides that, ive been working on my emotions, just trying not to be too emotional and focus and be who i am! I tend to worry a lot bout what others think of me. Now, its just ok, ive got my own life, im not gonna try n be likeable or anything. Take whatever comes, love me or hate me this is me. So yeah, thats the ideal attitude im trying to get. Been working on it, far from getting there but making progress each day.

Im also learning to be more positive. My whole life, ive been a bit of a pestimistic human being. Always looking on the bad side. But now, im changing and becoming more positive. Tough? Yes, imagine ripping out a characteristic thats part of ur personality and putting in something totally opposite of that. But im learning, trying. I will succeed

Last but not least, i aim to be more than an average person. I want to be successful, and well, rich? Not sure, i dont wanna be a rich guy. I wanna be a guy making money and helping people. Who works ahrd and earns what hes got. On this ambition, im taking it slow. I dont want money to come in the way between me and God. I just want to help people. Thats all.

How did t his come to be? Well, ive just got to say that God had a hand in it. It was a change of perspective, kinda happened when i was on holiday to a friends wedding. It was a result of speaking and sharing ideas with people, which led me to dream big! It was a result of not being happy with the way i lived my first sem of college.

So ive been inspired. Practically, its not just about big dreams. Its mainly about being a better person and changing my attitude.

Well, thats all from me! Thanks for reading and do drop a comment so that i know sum1is reading this. Thanks y’all!